Fast forward a few years....
KANSAS CITY (January, 4, 2020) - Made-4-U foods today introduced its new line of ready-to-eat meals. Unlike traditional TV dinners and even "diet" meals Made 4 You's Arsithin™ ready-to-eat meals are guaranteed to help you lose weight.
Jacob Jones, president and CEO of Made-4-U foods says "It's a fantastic new technique." Jones took the homeopathic approach to a whole new level. "If a little bit is good for you then a whole lot must be great," Jones said. By increasing the chemical content Made-4-U has perfected the taste vs. weight loss balance. After years of research Made-4-U found that arsenic, the same ingredient in cigarettes that keeps smokers thin, is effective in many forms of food, especially those high in tomato paste content.
What should be made of the nay-sayers? Jones has two words for those who are concerned that the arsenic content of his company's food may be harmful: "Free Speech"! "There are a few people who don't understand the powerful effects of this recipe yet," Jones said. The company has been engaged in litigation with the Federal Food Agency(FFA). Jones says the FFA's claims that arsenic is harmful "wrong, all wrong." "There is no proof that arsenic is harmful," Jones told The Report recently.
Is Arsenic Poisonous?: New theories is one paper Jones quotes from heavily. The paper suggests that in high doses over a period of time arsenic may be fatal. "That's just it," Jones said, "it's just a theory. No scientist can say they have proof when all they have is theories." According to Made-4-U the First Amendment gives them the right to have their theory that arsenic is not poisonous taught in middle-school health classrooms across the country. "We plan to launch our middle-school education plan next summer," Jones explains as his company prepares a court case asking the courts to stop schools from teaching theories about the supposed ill-effects of arsenic.
Jones says the inspiration for their innovative new line of foods came more than a decade ago when the United States Supreme Court decided the Smith vs. Missouri Board of Education case in 2007. In that instance the high court ruled that the proponents of the "Intelligent Design" idea evolution had a First Amendment right to have their beliefs presented along with Darwin's theory of natural selection in Missouri Schools. "It was an inspiration, we just couldn't ignore it. That case made me realize everything is put here for a reason. We have to find a way to use it. At the time I was 200 pounds overweight and after just six months I'd lost all but 10 pounds," Jones explains. The cause of the miraculous weight-loss, according to Jones, was his consistent use of arsenic.